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Who’s allowed to be a slob

Are talent and creative realization in a woman really incompatible with housekeeping? Alisa Anisimova, psychologist-physiognomist of the “Center for the Study of Personality“,, shared her thoughts on this matter with us.

From my childhood

“You’re a talent! – Natasha, a budding but very promising fashion designer, was told by her friends in response to her apology about the mess. – For creative people like you, mess in the house is forgivable. Even more – they need it for inspiration”. Nevertheless, Natalia has already left two husbands. The last one – to an ordinary earthly woman who has starched lace doilies and fragrant pies in her house.

In fact, talent and organization of everyday life are completely independent of each other,” says Alisa Anisimova. – Housekeeping is instilled in us from childhood by our parents, relatives, and educators. Our attitude to this aspect of life at this stage of personal development determines the degree of acceptance of this upbringing (on the scale of “protest or consent”) and our own correction. For example, let’s take two extremes: a working mother and, on the background of her workaholism, a lazy daughter. In this case, the daughter’s protest and disrespect for the mother’s life is the result of the mother’s upbringing. It is also possible that the time that should have been spent on raising the daughter was spent by the mother on work (even creative work). Now the daughter will have to look for a companion who will appreciate her laziness. And that just makes it harder to be happy.

Ideally, of course, a person should be educated to be uncomfortable with the mess around them: “it’s not clean – it’s not good”, followed by the thought “it must be cleaned up soon”. If a person does not experience such discomfort, then neither creativity nor anything else is an excuse. When life in chaos becomes a system, one should look deeper for the cause, for example, analyze upbringing and its mistakes, new and old habits, identify discrepancies and correct what is harmful.

Soup or dollars?

In our dynamic and business-oriented times, it is quite normal for a woman not only to work, but also to earn very well. Then a woman is faced with a choice: either to realize her creative potential or to have a home, a family and a satisfied and well-groomed husband. This choice is more expensive for a man than for a woman. Either he insists on preserving traditional female functions and will ruin the business qualities and creative potential of his chosen woman, or their relationship risks degenerating into a “guest marriage”.
Household can be engaged in any person. The question is in the desire and in the possibilities. As a rule, “can not” is considered in the context of “do not have time”. And this is due either to the improper organization of their own time, or the unwillingness to spend time on the household in principle. Then the latter case is either laziness or monetary compensation (it is better to earn 1000 UAH than to clean the floor at home). Thus, modern living conditions dictate us possible options, and we can, after all, hire a housekeeper or cook, and make money ourselves, realizing our talents.

How to combine the incompatible?

According to Alisa Anisimova, talented people are able to realize their talent in different life directions. “To combine the incompatible is a normal life condition for women at all times. We have children while working; we work and manage to run shopping; we are married and at work at the same time, controlling both processes on the phone. The more complex the life activities, the more developed our Personality. Therefore, it is quite normal to combine everyday life and creative work. It’s just that, as a rule, some direction gets more time, and some less. In addition, many creative women, facing the choice of “home or creative work”, can safely choose home, as the field for creativity only increases. This is cooking, apartment design, their own style, the style of the child, education and format of the child’s education, organization of leisure time, pets, etc. As for “creative clutter”, in the norm this concept is situational, if only because creativity requires nourishment, and chaos in the dwelling does not give this nourishment. That’s why switching to housekeeping can be a very important creative component. In such a section and works more productively, and self-actualization is higher.

If you, for example, sing and have money and self-fulfillment from it, and you feel comfortable with yourself, and your beloved does not suffer from it, then, of course, you will devote most of your time to singing. But when your family is bored and you realize that they are at this stage of life more important than career, money and self-fulfillment, switch your attention to your family. It’s important to balance the areas of your life in an optimal way, being very honest with yourself”.

In search of a beloved Muse

Not every talented singer, writer, artist, fashion designer can boast of long and strong family relationships. But there are those who managed to combine career with a happy life in marriage. What is the secret?
Alisa Anisimova answers: “If there is no understanding and mutual support between a husband and his creative wife, such a marriage is usually short-lived. Therefore, it is important to choose a partner who has the same criteria for the perception of marriage: in the first place of creativity, in the second – the relationship, in the third – the household. In this case, there is every chance for a successful union. In any other case will have to agree with her husband. After all, despite all the freedom of modern women from dependence (“must, because it is a woman’s work!”), men are still trying to bring the framework and responsibilities in the relationship, based on their desires and upbringing. In order to avoid conflicts, it is better to immediately stipulate your relationship to creativity, everyday life and the prospects of the union.
Tatiana Koryakina

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