Profiling: How much do you need to earn to date me?
Profiling (the direction of creating Profiles) has not only the ability to analyze personality. There is, for example, a geographic Profile — it shows where certain people are located in terms of movement perimeters (more important when working with crimes in specific territories), a status Profile, an economic Profile, a social Profile, a professional one. A Profile (which is divided into career orientation — answering which professional path and/or hobby is most suitable for a particular person, and a real professional profile — with qualities in the chosen profession and a rich set of skills and experience), a family Profile (what kind of person you are in the family).
There are a whole series of Profiles. What am I getting at? When a person says that they want “their partner to earn” — this is about development — a Growth Profile. And when they say, “to be with me you need 5 thousand dollars a month” — this is an Economic Profile, this is self‑evaluation. We immediately find ourselves in an economic conversation, not about the level of social growth, but about the cost of relationships with such a person.
For a long time up to this point (a Historical Profile), we understood relationships not as purely economic unions. Although such unions constantly occurred (marriage of convenience). However, we sought and desired love itself, the highest level of feelings for spiritual connection in partnership. We strove for love — despite everything, fought for the right to show love in unequal relationships and proved our courage, potential, and bravery. We went where boundless devotion (the willingness to give oneself completely), trust, and the effort to meet the demands of our beloved came first.
History knows many love stories, works, and legends, where historical descriptions of feelings, architectural confirmations of love, and incredible suffering are laid out. And situations were different, sometimes even harsher than what everyone faces now (war). However, such a mass phenomenon of “evaluating relationships” has not been observed until now. Why mass? Why does the mass approach require money and push out what is most precious? Why have people massively changed their priority?
Priorities change when people have certain experiences (traumas, the practice of others) or a fashionable trend (not having is seen as a sign of poor psychological health, and dependence on general influence is even worse). In other words, we suffer in the race for modern standards (with modern thoughts: “Am I not worthy like everyone else? Are they better?”).
But is everything so straightforward? Let’s analyze, reflect on this topic. Let’s run through several key reasons (the most popular ones, because there are many) why visually “tariffs rule” relationships — or maybe not? And how does it look?
Personal protection/defense mechanism in action (excluding emotions and compassion)
Motive: I don’t trust anyone! Money will back me up when he (partner), like everyone else (generalization), betrays and leaves (abandonment trauma). In fact, he (partner) can betray and leave anyway (a matter of his moral values and the format of your relationship), and money will back me up even without him. These are simply different things.
We are dealing with an unresolved psychological trauma, where a person did not find answers and did not receive support when it was needed. From this, she drew a conclusion (which was easier and more accessible, and I don’t exclude that it may be correct): “If I had money, it wouldn’t be so hard. Money doesn’t ask ‘how are you?’, but it gives support.” In principle — yes. But here are two points: to have money, you need to earn it, not demand it from a partner (you are a capable adult). And second — why should a new partner “heal your past suffering”? The right conclusion: create your own financial safety cushion and become a person who earns, restore your mental perception (work with a specialist and let go of the scoundrel from your thoughts) and simply become happy, choosing the person who will support you (not based on money), enter into a relationship with processed traumas. Take the time and do it. You will not lose and will not regret it.
But if a partner wants a relationship where he earns and gives you this money — then in such a relationship there are more risks than advantages. Work through this. Do not leave yourself “without a position” on this matter.
Your main task is to gain a stable personal position regarding your direct requirements of the partner himself, without monetary influence on your relationship. Qualities, abilities, moral values. And money is always better considered separately, without making it the key focus in the relationship. However, money must be considered, and it must find its place in your relationship. Do not reduce the relationship only to a “tariff plan for your use,” because that is another story (about spending your strength and your partner’s respect).
“Must!” — the basis of cultural emphasis
Motive: A guy must pay, it has always been this way.
Yes. Pay, protect, care, and much more. Everyone in a relationship — must. There are certain rules (responsibility, etc.), but there is also desire. And the desire to invest in a relationship — this is not the word “must,” it is an inner need. A true partner does everything he can to make his beloved feel better. And not because he is forced. Think about it. Work through it if necessary.
An adult man must support those dependent on him (socially). Are you such? Do you want to be incapable for him? Are you a small child? Are you an elderly woman?
You are a beloved woman! Loving and strong, you give energy and receive it, carrying out an exchange with your beloved man. For you he may be financial! But not only financial — do not build demands. Because a woman also Must — care for the family, protect the home, be beautiful. And, by the way, investing in beauty is not his Must, but hers. For what exactly should he love her — for external and internal beauty! Is maintaining beauty really his obligation? What about women’s secrets and the magic of beauty? Demanding money for care, you lose your trump card. A pleasant gift in the form of a massage or salon — wonderful! But “give me money or I’ll look like a monkey” — unpleasant.
It is wrong to build partnership on the emphasis of coercion. This model is for business, but in matters of the heart it does not work fully. There will always be “a lack of soul,” and a person will subconsciously look for it on the side. If not now, then later.
The desire to “want” something new for oneself — for a woman is normal. If a man does not object — then he truly loves. But there is a boundary that can be set before the relationship, creating a rule that presses on it. The boundary is thin, but important. Beware of pressure in relationships. You are in a glass castle, where the walls have longer ears than all the walls with ears in the world.
What is truly important — all priorities of partners in relationships Must be discussed. This is the only correct solution. And without accusations or reproaches — you, like your partner, simply make the choice of your person. If you are not satisfied — this is not your person. Here everything is obvious. Using a person. And this “exchange” is in no way discussed or regulated. She subconsciously believes that she is too expensive and beautiful, and he at this stage “pays for it.” This is also a human choice, but at the same time the partner is traumatized, becoming a victim of the “girlish approach” (for example, he fell deeply in love). When he realizes, and this will happen one day — he may react differently (and anyone can enter the circle of his victims). So such relationships are not just non‑ecological, but dangerous. And the conclusion will be: “the woman is a bitch!”
The same format is practiced by men who drain all energy and destroy the psyche of a girl who treats them sincerely. There are many situations, such an attitude has no gender, but the result is always pain. So beware of such an approach.
Past trauma
Motive: I always paid for everything myself. That’s the limit. Now only him.
Yes, but you tolerated it. Then you put a stop to it. Now you’ve drawn conclusions and are moving toward a happy future. But what conclusions? Yes, you met someone who took advantage of you. You made a mistake. You corrected it. Well, it happened. So look for someone who will invest in your relationship (not only with money), bring value, and with whom it will be safe and calm. If desires are the same and understanding of processes too — there will be no problems. But to take revenge on a real beloved for the fact that you were more open with another person than he deserved — that’s also an experience, but you will lose the relationship. You won’t allow that again. Right?
Inferiority complex
Motive: Everyone (!) even those not so beautiful — are supported, and am I worse?!
The question is not who is worse. The question is your value to yourself. Your self‑perception. What are you really worth? Why do you need the relationship market? If your goal is to receive 101 roses, and it’s simply a desire for beauty, not a dating standard — that’s fine. But if it’s “the price of entry into communication” — that’s cheap, humiliating, and looks like “treating the problem of lack of attention” to your person. Because anyone, buying 101 roses, automatically deserves your respect, and it doesn’t matter who this person is or what he represents. That’s sad.
How exactly does the absence of 101 roses affect your career, achievements, mind? No, it’s not confirmation. It’s a template. Like with a certain category of girls who are supposedly valued. Demonstration of a man’s status? Possibly. Provided that 101 roses is your favorite number, familiar beauty and joy. You’ve already placed yourself into the category of templates. You didn’t remain yourself, didn’t ask “what do I really want?” — but placed yourself into categories. You don’t need to pretend to be someone. You need to be the one who receives the flowers she loves, not a formality for a “checkmark.” And you should be proud that you are — exactly you!
Set your own value yourself. What do you deserve and why? This needs to be worked through, because you actually never analyzed yourself as a person, a partner, and a Woman. Accept what you love, and don’t compare yourself to anyone. Never.
Setting boundaries and respect (modern form of “training” for respect)
Motive: I will teach him how to show respect to a woman!
Respect — this is, indeed, including boundaries. But. Training for respect and boundaries toward a woman — is not training an animal to use a litter box, not an obligation despite everything, and not a template of demands that you simply follow. It is the foundation of personal culture. Folk and traditional aspects, family values, and the manifestation of intellect. It’s not like a first‑grader’s list of what to bring to school: a ruler, 5 notebooks with slanted lines, 5 notebooks in squares, and a diary, etc. In the language of a woman — flowers once a week, salad twice a week at a restaurant, new shoes once every two weeks… No. Boundaries and respect are about something else. Giving the opportunity to sleep an extra 10 minutes in the morning, not disturbing when she feels bad, or on the contrary being nearby — whichever is more comfortable for the partner. Washing the dishes not because you love washing dishes, but to make it easier for her. This is care and harmony, not visual “checkmarks.” Otherwise it will be: “I bought flowers? Leave me alone.” Because he is “trained” to do this, not because he Wants to do it himself. That’s the difference.
Opening the car door? Culture. The norm: he opens most of the time, but if he didn’t — then it wasn’t the moment, we’re in a hurry. And this is not an excuse — it’s acceptance of humanity and setting priorities (respect for him). He didn’t open because: he feels unwell, I understand and know that he actually would have opened.
Training — is a topic of fundamental upbringing of an individual. There’s a great phrase: “If it needs to be explained — it doesn’t need to be explained.” And this too is our choice — what and why to agree to.
Discussed and updated relationship format (norm and development)
Motive: I want to discuss everything in advance — so there are no misunderstandings.
The first question in such conversations should not be “how much do you earn?”. Although it can happen, depending on the situation. But know that it looks as if this income is forever your (and not his) guarantee. As if the salary speaks about his personal qualities, for example, as a reliable partner.
By the way, historically this time of first meetings is designated as “dating time” (from the words “to see everything”). People talk, learn, feel, study, and observe. They don’t pressure, don’t demand, don’t provoke. They tell about themselves. They listen to you. And in fact — they look for points of intersection and “try on” the reliability of the partner regarding the prospect of living together.
Speak openly. Don’t be afraid. Behave in a way that is comfortable, not as the format demands. Be yourself. Don’t be ashamed of prices, but always be ready to pay for yourself. If he pays — good. If he pays constantly — great. But if not — you must be able to pay for both yourself and him, because situations and people vary. And then you will draw conclusions based on facts about him, about your own behavior, and about what you missed and didn’t notice.
Meetings are the most important part of getting to know a partner. And your distance — his manifestations. Don’t rush and don’t make quick conclusions. Look for differences and commonalities, is there something unpleasant for you (later you will analyze) and something you are not ready to accept? How much are you on the same wavelength?
How much does he earn? — this is information for you primarily about his development. A smart person, having lost a job, will find another, because he is a valuable specialist. The role of money — confirmation of his level of qualification. Draw the right conclusions. And remember, the main question of the meeting: “What exactly am I looking for and what do I expect from a relationship with this partner?”
A woman presents herself as a stimulus for earnings and a magical muse
Motive: Dependence on herself.
Selling one quality as value — with a painful undertone. A person tries to tie you to herself and points out that only with her everything will be fine for you. This subconsciously answers her question of what exactly she can give you as a woman (in other words, what makes her valuable in her own eyes)? The right answer — trust, happiness, joy, and the energy of feminine strength. The wrong answer — “I will ask for a lot, and you, however you want, must develop to give it to me.”
At the core is not one trauma, but the outcome — a painful format of relationships. Because in normal relationships, despite all the magic (which is the basis of love and happiness) — there are always periods of ups and downs, and this is normal. A fall he may blame on the partner. Yes. And your relationship with him will become “work on improvement on one set of shoulders” instead of a happy life enjoying each other. It’s only a matter of time.
Fashion trend (because everyone does it!)
Motive: No experience and no personal opinion, victim of suggestion.
You just go with the flow. “Everyone wants money, and so do I. If they have it, they will consider me incomplete without it” (immature thoughts matter to you). Well, if you think like that — you need to change a lot within yourself. Money is not status, it is confirmation of certain steps and choices of qualities, aspirations.
The coolest thing is when you come to the most expensive restaurant in the look that suits you and that you like. What people say and think — simply doesn’t matter. Only you know that you are exactly who you are — and you can afford to be yourself! That is a huge value!
So, a multifaceted system stands behind one phrase about money. And one of the main rules of Profiling — be careful with hasty conclusions, think a little — and everything will turn out by itself!
From myself I want to add that relationships are a construction that is actually held together by invisible details, not global external and noticeable signs (including money, if they are visible!). Everything is held together by small and imperceptible moments in relationships. And if you remove them — the whole construction simply falls apart. Sometimes “purely financial” and “profitable” relationships, developing, are eventually cemented by true love, respect and mutual support — and this “construction” continues. And sometimes “true love” transforms into “only money,” accusations, betrayals. A Profile always holds all sides of personality, which makes up its main value for any relationship. That is what gives answers.
I recall an interesting phrase Bob Marley once said: “Some people are so poor, all they have is money.” Think about it!
Love to you! Choose what truly makes you happy! And don’t delay!
